The Lost Art of Self Soothing
The other night I was at home doing dishes and attempting to clean my house, which has become harder and harder to manage, which has been a recurring theme amongst my clients. I was replaying a conversation I had with a client recently where we wrapped up another session with me focusing on what she would be doing for self-care this week. She acknowledged that she could say lots of things, but the likelihood of actually doing them was very slim.
As I look around my personal and professional life, from my employees, my friends, colleagues, my adult children, and even my inner circle, we are all struggling with a similar concept the longer the pandemic goes on. Their routines have become something similar to work, kids, homework/parenting stuff, dinner, some modicum of cleaning, tv or phone scrolling, possibly working out, and sleep. Then rinse and repeat another day. There may be some changes or differences due to your specific lifestyle, but this is it in a nutshell.
Do you notice what’s missing? Travel, fun, escape, self-care, laughter, time away, maybe even some mystery. My recent discovery is many people have reached the pinnacle of being so burned out that they can no longer even fathom to engage in self-care. A conversation recently caused me to really examine my own self-care since July. In reality, I was ROCKING it from March to July. And then when I returned to working at the office I began drowning. I suspect many people have lost hope of a world full of peace, calmness, and some amount of freedom.
This brings me to my biggest point here, I think we are all missing the point by focusing on self-care. I’m not sure it’s attainable currently or even realistic sadly. However, I think our focus needs to shift to self-soothing. It may sound like semantics to you, but I think it’s a completed paradigm shift. Self-soothing things are frequently described as the way that we treat ourselves that leads to betterment, so we can move forward, past any negativity or pain.
As I have begun having this conversation with people, the feedback is about how refreshing, energizing, centering, and how just reading this definition provides the hope of filling your cup up in a way nothing has in a long time. At The Mental Wellness Center, we really want to encourage our clients to focus on self-soothing during these stressful and chaotic times instead until you can return to doing really good self-care. Here are some ways to begin focusing on self-soothing:
Soothing Your Five Senses: On these, you are just wanting to stimulate each of these senses in a way to create a sense of inner soothing and regulation.
Vision: Watch a sunrise or a sunset, notice nature around you, buy or look at some flowers, pay attention to the snow following, and decorating the trees as it falls. Light a candle and watch the flame, go to a museum, or watch a travel video or movie. Hopefully, you get the point and can come up with more ideas of your own.
Hearing: One of the goals with this sense is to find a soothing, pleasant, or positively (but not overwhelmingly) stimulating music or sounds. Find music that soothes you, listen to beautiful or soothing music, listen to ocean sounds, thunderstorms, rain, whales, nature, babies laughing, a waterfall, etc. The goal is that while you are listening to the music to be mindful and while you are listening to music allow the sounds to come and go.
Smell: Smell is a super powerful sense, specifically when you consider that from a memory perspective smell based memories are the most powerful memories possible. Typically when working with smells I recommend positive safe smells for clients. Other smells include breakfast being cooks, nature, fresh rain, freshly mowed grass being mowed, baked cookies, etc. Activities to do to create smells: Walk in a garden or in the woods, doing so after the rain specifically breathing in the smells of nature, lighting some incense, baking some bread, etc. For this sensation make a decision about what smells you want to focus on and create it.
Taste: This one can be really fun and creating it can engage your creative abilities while you are making it. Drink a fun and fruity drink, or something tart, drink something that you enjoy that feels fun. Have a special treat and eat it very slowly, while scoring each bite. Cook a favorite meal, drink an herbal tea, invite some friends over to a potluck. At the potluck, eat at least a bit of each dish, mindfully tasting each new thing.
Touch: In this active COVID area we are living in a very touch-deprived world. People who love hugs and thrive on hugs are literally suffering. There’s very little actual human touch happening in the world. Between the masks, gloves, and six feet distance, touch is definitely missing. Please don’t misunderstand me. I definitely think we need to protect ourselves, but touch is definitely missing. Here are some suggestions: take a bubble bath, pet your dog or cat, cuddle a baby, put on a silky piece of clothing, sink into a really comfortable bed, float or swim in a pool, do a sensory deprivation pod. These are not meant to be substitutes, but they will get you through.
Practice Self- Compassion: There are all the typical logistics that include how your thoughts make a difference, avoid beating yourself up, showing yourself when you are distraught, and replacing negative thoughts as soon as possible with the positive ones. I would love it if you could take it a few steps further. Take self-compassion beyond just the thinking stuff and evaluate ways to see how you can apply them to your words and behaviors. Begin to treat yourself and others the way you treat the person you love the MOST in the world!
The important thing to keep in mind is the self-soothing is a journey, not an act. We also don’t recommend you set out to climb the entire self-soothing mountain all at once the moment you read this blog. Instead of doing a couple of small things each and every day. Pick one or two things you want to implement and allow those to become a habit.
If you are struggling with stress, anxiety, depression, or any other struggles of living in the time and world we currently live in I would suggest you call or email our office when you can. Our phone number is 309-807-5077 or info@TheMentalWellness.com
You can read more about her clinicians here: providers If you have any questions that we can answer, please let us know.
