Common Thinking Errors Series: Setting the Bar too High
Thinking errors, also known as cognitive distortions, are irrational beliefs that impact how we feel and behave, and are a common topic in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Thinking errors tend to make life more difficult than it needs to be, so being aware of these thoughts can help us catch them and challenge them to better quality of life.
In this thinking error, setting the bar too high means thinking that you MUST be perfect in order to be any “good”. Setting the bar too high can have a negative impact on self-esteem, as the expectations are unrealistic and unattainable. Anyone who sets goals like this will set themself up for failure, as perfection is impossible to reach. Perfection is a setting that humans cannot be placed on, and there is nothing wrong with that.
The Dangers of Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Setting the bar too high can look like this: if I do not get all As in school, then I am not smart. It is important to remember that any progress is good progress, even if it is not an A. Everyone has heard the phrase “practice makes perfect”; however, that is detrimental to see perfection as the only goal. A way to replace this is to say “Practice makes progress”.
Setting the bar too high can also look like beating yourself up at any mistake that is made. Mistakes are acceptable and important to learn from in order to better ourselves. Mistakes can often feel uncomfortable because it can be seen as a bad thing; however, reframing this to see it as a lesson can make it less uncomfortable. A quote that may help to reframe this is best said by Maya Angelou “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” This is a very practical way to view a mistake.
How High Expectations Affect Self-Esteem and Growth
Noticing if you are setting the bar too high is the first step to changing it. One way to recognize if you are setting the bar too high is if you often feel let down by yourself, resulting in low self-esteem. Taking time to reflect on our own behaviors and noticing how they impact mental health can be telling. It does not mean you have failed or are doing anything wrong, it just means that there might be time for a change.
Thinking errors are not our fault, and we owe it to ourselves to recognize when they are happening so that we can change them and stop letting those thoughts distract us from our peace and happiness. You are allowed to give yourself a chance to learn and grow. Setting the bar too high makes it difficult to recognize mistakes as an opportunity and a way to actual improve self-esteem by showing yourself you can overcome mistakes and setbacks.
If these thoughts become too difficult to manage and are impacting your quality of life, please click the button below. The Mental Wellness Center has clinicians that are happy to help work through the difficult thoughts, feelings, and behaviors you may be experiencing.
