Fostering Emotional Intelligence in Children and Teens

Emotional intelligence can be described as the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and utilize emotions effectively in oneself and others. Emotional intelligence is vital for daily functioning, decision-making, and fostering relationships. Parents have a profound responsibility to assist their children in the development of emotional intelligence. However, you cannot teach what you do not have. Children spend the majority of their time with a caregiver and often learn through modeled behaviors and imitation. 

Here are four ways for you to begin fostering emotional intelligence for your children and teens:

1. Model Emotional Awareness and Regulation

Practice identifying your emotions out loud and reviewing helpful ways for you to manage that emotion. For example, “I feel stressed that our plans did not go as expected. I’m going to take a few deep breaths and use reassuring words.” This formula for modeling emotional awareness and regulation helps children understand that emotions are natural and manageable.

2. Encourage Open communication

Practice identifying emotional responses in your children and teens. For example, “I noticed that you started to tear up when I said that. Do you want to talk about your sad/hurt feelings or do you need a break?”. It is important to create a safe space for all emotions and allow the expression of those emotions without judgment. In addition, you can practice using active listening skills and asking open-ended questions about their emotions. This will provide them with time and space to explore their internal experience. Sometimes they may not have words to describe what they are feeling. That is also okay. Continue to empathize and validate their emotions.  

3. Teach Empathy and Perspective-Taking

Practice exploring how others may be feeling, their motives, and how those may be impacting their behaviors. This practice helps children and teenagers recognize different perspectives and grow their empathy for others. You can do this by reviewing real-life scenarios or using characters in a book or movie. 

4. Provide Problem-Solving Opportunities 

This strategy can be especially challenging for parents and caregivers who are protective and want to remove potential threats immediately. However, this strategy is important for developing critical thinking skills. It encourages children and teenagers to think about their emotional responses and develop resilience. Generally, when your child or teenager is facing a challenge, do not provide immediate solutions. Rather, guide them through problem-solving the issue. Provide support as they identify their emotions, consider different strategies, and review possible outcomes. It is important for them to develop an understanding that they will not always be in control of their situation, but that they can be in control of their emotional responses and decision-making. 

If you are a parent or caregiver who struggles with your emotional intelligence, this is something that you can work on developing over time. There are professional services and literature that can assist you in developing this area of your life. It is never too late to start working towards a healthier, more emotionally intelligent, way of living. 

If you are interested in scheduling an appointment with one of our providers to learn more about fostering emotional intelligence, please review our providers.

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